Tunes from the Dunes!!!

I love my girlfriend, she’s pretty as can be

we’ve been together since double O Three

we never argue, we’re happy as can be

she’s quite the linguist and she speaks French to me

CHORUS

She says OO-LA-LA

and dorme vous

and tout va bien

and voulez vous

and Bridget Bardot

and Pepe LePew

I think it’s just great

it must be deja vu

I love my girlfriend and I wear a beret

she calls me her Claude, says I’m her Monet

and I’m a monsieur and she smells like hay

it’s so hard to resist when she speaks French that way

CHORUS

She says oui, oui

as well as merci

and then si vous plait

and pass the yo-plait

we had a soiree

and a rendezvous

is she making this up

please tell me, mon dieu

We love to drink wine, it’s silly I know

but we hardly get drunk unless it’s Bordeaux

or a nice Beaujolais and a spicy Merlot

life’s a baguette, we just go with the flow

When shes says may oui, I get weak in my knees

I love her accent more than I love trees

It’s a whole other world, I’m at her merci

Did I just say that?

Damn right and oui, oui!

tumblrbot asked: WHAT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER WHEN YOU ARE IN A BAD MOOD?

Sweet soul music!!!

She was a vivid dreamer, a bedroom screamer

we’d split the sheets till dawn

She drank Coke and Jim Beamer, loved chocolate ice creamer                                 

she licked the spoon when it was gone, yeah, she licked the spoon when it was gone

She was a scene stealer, a faithful faith healer

her Daddy was a Democrat

She was an even keeler, flat-out touchy feeler

ain’t nothin’ wrong with that

She was a vivid dreamer on an old tramp steamer

south of the Equator

headin’ down streamer with a broken femur

she’s one sweet potater

She was a mover and a shaker and a big-time deal breaker

she looked good in her tank top

She knew an Indian fakir, her mother was a Quaker

just tell me when to STOP

She was an atom-splitter, a real go-getter

she could twist the night away

She was a seed-spitter, liked to tweet on TWITTER

guess that’s all I wanna say

She was a vivid dreamer, a bedroom screamer

we’d split the sheets till dawn

She drank Coke and Jim Beamer, loved chocolate ice creamer

she licked the spoon when it was gone

yeah, she licked the spoon when it was gone….

Ho Chi Minh and Kim Jong Il sitting up there on pork chop hill,

should we take the Mercedes or drive the Coupe de Ville

it could make a difference in that Chinese fire drill

And that Chairman Mao he damn near had a cow

Russian rockets on the moon, shots fired across the bow

the Cold War’s heatin’ up, thanks to Chairman Mao

CHORUS

Ain’t no rhyme, there ain’t no reason

only war crimes and tons of treason

and to everything there is a season

And that Ho Chi Minh, well, he left quite a trail

from the Hanoi Hilton to the Saigon jail

ain’t no giants in the jungle only rottin’ entrails

And that Saddam Hussein he had a wicked brain

lived in Old Iraq where it hardly ever rained

he got caught in a rathole in touch with his pain

REPEAT CHORUS

And that Omar Ghaddafy, now, there’s a name

how the hell do you spell it, that’s his claim to fame

he’s kickin’ up desert dust cause Omar ain’t got game

And Mister Idi Amin he never heard of Brazil

he lived down in Africa where he loved to rape and kill

like dark clouds gathering over slippery oil spills

REPEAT CHORUS

Ho Chi Minh and Kim Jong Il sitting up there on rich man’s hill

should we take the Mercedes or should we take the Coupe de Ville

it could make a difference in that Chinese fire drill

So let’s storm the Bastille, tear down that Berlin Wall

sometimes it looks so easy, like it’s not there at all

and if we pick each other up, we won’t have to crawl….

O bar of Wonder, Miller Lite

                you are not a bar tonight

Outside it’s sleeting, Life is fleeting

           on this Quiet, Holy Night…

The creche sits on the bar so close to the Bud Lite tap

upon the Star of Wonder someone’s hung a Red Man cap

Maybe I’m not the first one to spill  beer in Baby Jesus’ lap

And that bulb is surely broken on Rudolph’s red, red nose

On the TV there’s this movie that came out light years ago

Where angels get their wings but they ain’t from buffalo

Weather Channel’s got bad news, it’s a major winter storm

Let’s all stay in this old bar where things are safe and warm

The front door’s about to open and let inside three forms….

O BAR OF WONDER, MILLER LITE…

Enter three dusky men dressed in foreign robes

like Lawrence of Arabia wearin’ jewels in their ear lobes

and the nine ball game went silent like a million frightened microbes

The door slammed behind them and the short One, He spoke first

We have traveled far tonight, We wish to quench our thirst

But no one made a move, somehow we thought the worst

And someone said, Hey, man, it looks like you’re bleeding

What in the Hell’s going on, What exactly are you needing

On this Quiet, Holy Night, with History repeating….

O BAR OF WONDER, MILLER LITE…..

Is there a doctor in the house? Cause this guy sure needs one

Where you from, fella? ….Someone better call 911

Let’s clear off a wooden table, Man, this guy weighs a ton

And the answer IT came exactly right on cue

We’re boiling up hot water and clean, warm towels, too

Hey there, cute little stranger, what do you make of this view???

And the whole place got real quiet, quiet as a Christmas Eve mouse

and the Out-of-Order jukebox, fussy as a young girl’s blouse

starts playin’ O Silent Night…there wasn’t a dry eye in the house

O BAR OF WONDER, MILLER LITE….

That Three Kings Bar and Grill it will never be the same

And that ain’t such a bad thing, not like some cryin’ shame

cause all of us we realized that kid’s got a mighty fine name

Slide Rules is a song about calculating and doing the relationship math….